In the beginning, I had no idea what the consequences of what I was about to do might be.

My optimism was nil. This was definitely the last resort; my one and only hope that I would finally find the solution I needed.

Maybe, just maybe, beyond those doors lay the answer I needed to convince me to change the way I lived, or more aptly "existed"; and possibly provide the incentive I required to continue to exist.

The previous weekend (from "hell") had finally forced me into my present position. Guilt, shame, and overwhelming fear compelled me forward.

I hated myself, my life, and everything it entailed. I willed myself through the door, head held high, faking (as usual) the confident nonchalance I certainly did not feel. My entry into the unknown.

What a concept - life without alcohol! For me this was not normal, but the origin of an entirely foreign lifestyle. Little did I know how my passage through this doorway would forever change me. It is of no exaggeration to say - my life was about to begin.

That was almost ten years ago and the beginning of a miraculous journey, I now realize was to be my destiny.

The disease of alcoholism is progressively fatal. Cunning, baffling, and powerful. Alcohol had controlled every aspect of my being - creating a "Jekyll-Hyde" character that reared its ugly head with little provocation, and always at an inappropriate time or situation.

There is no cure for alcoholism: only reprieves, contingent upon total abstinence from alcohol.

My introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous was no coincidence as I had hit the proverbial "bottom", and my only honest prayer was a fervent plea to die.

The realization that my drunken behavior: the "black-outs" and dishonesty, were adversely affecting those I loved, had only taken about twenty years to sink in.

My behavior "the morning after", was usually to pretend I remembered everything (ha, ha); in an unsuccessful attempt to bury the inevitable feelings of guilt and remorse that were sure to follow.

Ultimately, I would try to "drink" those feelings away.

After all (I truly believed), this was how everyone coped with life's ups and downs.

I drank at "mad, sad, bad, and glad" emotions, so I wouldn't have to actually face or feel anything. I drank to celebrate my joys and I drank to drown my sorrows... continuing long after I had bitterly accepted that sorrows could swim.

Nothing changed for the better, but that was not because of the booze. I became a master of geographical escapes. People, places, and situations were readily blamed.

Me responsible? Ridiculous! Alcohol, I firmly believed, created a new and improved version of "me". The liquid courage was exactly that; allowing me to appear confident, relaxed, energetic, witty and wise.

This was my reality. Under its influence I could remove the many masks I wore, and be my "true" self.

In retrospect, I now realize how sad my belief system was; deception and dependency on alcohol had governed my entire lifestyle.

A.A. Attitude Adjustment. I have gained so much. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.

This "adventure" is infinite and I have a long, long way to go.

First I had to learn to love myself. I highly doubted that possibility and was told the "fellowship" would love me until I was capable of self-love... and they did.

Gradually, I learned to "share" my shame and guilt; my innermost feelings, without fear of judgment or condemnation.

I was accepted unconditionally, simply because I am a human-being.

I discovered I am a valuable person, no better or worse, than any other. I was encouraged to express my feelings and beliefs because my opinion is valid.

I don't have to agree with anybody and I do have the right to be wrong.

I practice progress, not perfection.

No one is perfect. I "do unto others as I would have them do unto me".

I am learning to laugh and to cry, and sometimes both simultaneously. I am learning how to say "no" when it is necessary. I am gradually maturing emotionally.

To have choices, values and boundaries, what a concept! How freeing this recognition of responsibility to myself above all else. I am responsible for every action I take, and every reaction I experience.

I am gaining the knowledge to separate my needs from my wants; and to have faith that my needs will be met. I have learned that sharing our experience, strength, and hope, can be beneficial, and potentially helpful to others.

My new "family" has taught me to love and accept myself exactly as I am; the good, the bad, and the ugly. This has enabled me to love and accept others, regardless of our differences.

Through this growing self-knowledge I am beginning to become aware of those times when I need support. Slowly I am overcoming my fear of asking for help when needed; and am both astounded and up-lifted when the response is immediately available!

I never really believed in God. I am now blessed with a "Power greater than myself" that is patient, loving and nurturing; providing the strength and guidance to keep me on track.

Now I am "alone" only when I choose to be.

I had no idea I had lived my entire life motivated by fear and guilt. I can now choose to acknowledge and face it, rather than relying on "liquid courage".

I am gradually becoming capable of living life on life's terms. "HOW" - Honesty, Openness and Willingness: have been the keys to unlock the door to my new life.

Like a toddler, my steps can be small and hesitant. Sometimes I stumble and fall. But now I am able to get up, dust myself off, and continue to move forward. Each and every day the journey continues.

In the beginning, I just wanted to quit drinking...

Tickets for the 2001 Regina Roundup, are limited to 300 due to facility fire regulations at the Core Ritchie Centre.

The City owned facility at 2230 Lindsay Street is a non smoking venue so the customary clouds of smoke will not be present at this years roundup!

There will be designated smoking areas for smokers though.

The Theme of this years Roundup is “Every Day is a New Beginning” an apropos theme for any AA function!

The 2001 Committee is working hard to put on a good function again this year. There will be good speakers —all weekend long, a great meal and dance to disc music.

Roundups are a great way to charge your recovery batteries and meet new friends in the AA program.

Make sure you get your tickets soon to take advantage of this excellent function. Call Chris at 569-7986 .

Also tickets are available at the AA office during office hours.

Whats Cookin’ at the Office these days?

We have a new AA office secretary, her name is Joyce. Drop in and say hi!

We have an excellent new supply of approved AA literature, including the special desktop version of “Pass it on” (Daily Reflections for your desk or kitchen table). Drop in and pick one up!

The office no longer has the Phone number 545-9340, new technology has allowed for all calls to be handled seamlessly by the original 545-9300 number.

The office email address is now : a.a@sk.sympatico.ca or the office may also be reached through office@aaregina.com

The Regina Area AA Website gets a facelift: The new version of the website contains the same information, but navigation and updating is faster and more user friendly. The main intent of our local AA website is to function as a public service announcement that can be accessed by still suffering alcoholics, community members, referring professionals and AA members who may be visiting our area and wish to source a meeting or event. The new site received 214 visits in March.

What would you call two banana skins ?
A pair of slippers.

***

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

***

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver. The little kid starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow — I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant - I would be a little elephant."
The kid went on with several animals until the bus driver got angry and yelled at the kid, "What if your dad was a serial killer and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiled and said, "I would be a bus driver!"

***

• 1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
• 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in someway.
• 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
• 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
• 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
• 6. You mean the world to someone.
• 7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
• 8. You are special and unique.
• 9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
• 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
• 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
• 12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
• 13. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
• 14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Our lager, which art in barrels, followed be thy drink, thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), at home as I am in the tavern. give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages, as we forgive those who spill against us, and lead us not to incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers, for thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager, forever and ever, barmen.

I asked her tell me what it feels like to be born again and the fat Sunday school Teacher said “ it feels like nothing you fool , why do you always want to know what stuff feels like, quiet or I give you something to really feel , a tear formed in my eye "I was just hoping "I said . But I just could not get the thought out of my mind and then I started to feel what it would be like, to know a father's love, his warmth , his safety and so I wrote it for you and me.

Maybe when we are done we can tell her and then maybe she'll cry for I don't think she knows .

Tell me of his tender love, tell me of his touch , tell me of his words! tell me of his kindness ! tell me of those moments when he held your hand ! tell me of the freedom, the release! describe the feeling ! It feels like butterflies landing on your jacket ! or the smell of fresh cut wood, or a tune that goes straight to the heart ! It feels like rose petals falling on your face ! It feels alive once again ! a second chance at everything! feel it, soak it up ! pour it over me in rushes and torrents ! and leave me in a calm peace !

I sleep tonite reborn and trusting in only one!